We've all had them--those vivid dreams that bring us right back to the halls of our high school, where our life was just beginning and we had absolutely nothing figured out (though we may have disagreed at the time). Whether those dreams inspire nostalgia and a longing for the past or immediately turn into the sweat-drenched stuff of nightmares depends largely upon our personal experience. One thing we can all likely agree on, though, is that high school is hard: a microcosm of the big world we're on the precipice of, with all its trials and tribulations, highs and lows.
But what if the high stakes of high school follow you into adulthood? What if your entire adult life felt like one long Advanced Placement course, where every "test" you pass or fail carries either promise or peril for you and your family? This is the reality caregivers of children with complex needs face every single day. Like adulting with both hands tied behind your back--you have all of the usual stresses of work, marriage, bills and family dynamics, but on this parenting track, you also have to navigate complex medical and educational systems, often fighting for your child's rights--or life--while also plastering on a smile and seizing the day.
So what's a parent to do when dropping out is not an option? Well, just like an overwhelmed AP student, you hire a tutor or form a study group. You scour all the study guides you can find and take copious notes. You put in the extra hours of blood, sweat and tears because you know that the payoff will be worth it.
It was with these study strategies in mind that I set out to write my debut book, Advanced Placement Parenting: A Companion Guide for Navigating Special Needs Parenthood. It's the book I wish I had when my son was first diagnosed with Dravet Syndrome, a rare and catastrophic form of epilepsy that develops in the first year of life in an otherwise healthy child. It's the book I know so many parents need--parents who are desperate and drowning, trying to "pass the test" each day as new challenges arise. Parents who didn't choose the Advanced Placement track, but instead were selected for it, like Prim Everdeen in the reaping of The Hunger Games. Parents who, as the U.S. Surgeon General points out in his 2024 report, Parents Under Pressure, are enmeshed in an "urgent public health issue".
From Chaos to Clarity: The Path to Perseverance
If you think back to those AP classes you took in high school (or maybe avoided like the plague), you'll remember how intimidating they seemed and how rigorous the content was. Elevated expectations, pressure to perform--if you didn't pace yourself, you might end up pulling a Jessie Spano and singing "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so...scared" to a room full of concerned classmates. Afterall, this was not the standard course of study. It was supposed to grow you, to prepare you for a competative future. It was supposed to be hard.
The same is true for parenting. We go into it knowing that it's supposed to be the most challenging job we'll ever take on. But like most jobs, you don't really know what it's going to be like until you start doing it. And when your child is unexpectedly diagnosed with a life-altering condition, well, to say it knocks you off course would be a gross understatement.
Like any profound life experience, Advanced Placement Parenting changes you in ways you could never have imagined. Many parents begin their journey filled with hope and a can-do spark, only to find themselves battle-worn and dejected years later. Others start out in a state of shock and grief, but eventually discover a deeper sense of purpose through their experiences. It’s not uncommon to struggle with feelings of shame, whether over the realization that your child isn’t like their peers or the weight of knowing they may never progress beyond the toddler or early childhood stage developmentally. Some parents find themselves consumed by worry—about an uncertain future, or the daunting question of who will care for their child once they are no longer able to.
So, how can a parent struggling to keep up with the demands of Advanced Placement Parenting get back on track in time to pass the proverbial final exam? I ruminated on that for over a decade and kept coming back to one critical concept: Endurance.
Like elite athletes, parents of children with complex needs must train their mind, body, and spirit for the grueling road ahead. This journey demands a clear plan for overcoming hurdles while managing both expected and unexpected challenges. That’s where my signature coaching program, The P.E.A.C.E. Protocol for Parent Caregivers, becomes the cornerstone of the Advanced Placement Parenting guide. It offers a practical, proven framework for parents to identify their most pressing challenges and work toward resolving them using what I call an Individualized Endurance Plan—a deliberate nod to the Individualized Education Plan (IEP) familiar in the special education world. Through this program, parents not only develop strategies for endurance, but also find comfort in knowing they’re not alone. Others have walked this path, and the Advanced Placement Parenting guide offers a sort of "Cliffs Notes" to help lighten the load and inspire confidence along the way.
Coming Out on the Other Side: Bravery and Breakthroughs
Like anything that challenges us in life, when we commit to taking it one day--or sometimes one minute--at a time, we will often surprise ourselves. Showing up each day to conquer your own version of an advanced placement situation takes a tenacity that we sometimes have to dig really, really deep for. It also takes strategy and intentionality. None of us will ace the chapter on Parenting by just winging it, just as very few of us could pass an AP exam without studying for it. The content is hard, but you can do it. And with the right resources and support, you can one day find yourself on the other side feeling great pride in the person you've become.
Afterall, not everyone is chosen for the Advanced Placement Parenting track. If you're here, it's because you are qualified. Much like Frodo in The Lord of the Rings, who is thrust into the seemingly impossible task of carrying the One Ring to Mount Doom, you have found yourself on a journey you never anticipated or prepared for. Yet Frodo’s strength lies not in doing it all alone, but in his endurance, the support of his fellowship, and the belief that his journey has meaning. Similarly, parents on the Advanced Placement Parenting path can thrive when they embrace endurance, lean on their “fellowship” of family, friends, and professionals, and recognize the transformative power of their mission. Ultimately, the journey is as much about personal growth and resilience as it is about reaching the destination—a truth that resonates deeply as we navigate our own epic quests.
About the Author
Carinne Mossa, founder of It Takes a Village Special Needs Parent Coaching, is dedicated to empowering families through compassion, expertise, and a deep understanding of their unique challenges. With a background as an elementary educator and Bachelor's Degrees in Elementary Education and Psychology from Southern Connecticut State University, as well as a Master’s in Media Communications from NYU, Carinne has always been passionate about helping others thrive.
Her journey took a life-changing turn in 2012 when her first child was diagnosed with Dravet Syndrome--a rare seizure disorder--at just four months old. Over the next decade, Carinne faced the complex realities of navigating medical and educational systems while balancing the demands of caregiving. These personal experiences inspired her to fill a critical gap in support for caregivers, leading to the founding of It Takes a Village Special Needs Parent Coaching in 2023.
Through her signature program, The P.E.A.C.E. Protocol for Parent Caregivers, Carinne offers a 12-week coaching experience focused on resilience and practical strategies. Parents work with her to develop an "Individualized Endurance Plan," tackle the challenges of special education systems, and navigate IEPs and 504 plans. Carinne’s mission is fueled by her firsthand understanding of the emotional and practical struggles families face. She is committed to helping parents regain strength, hope, and confidence as they advocate for their children and build a brighter future for their families.
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